I left everyone on a cliff hanger almost four years ago, didn't I? Well I've got good news and bad news. I'll start with the bad.

The Bad News

The Good News

What About the Old Posts?

Why Did You Return?

Even if you happen to be a dude.

I lied. You're never too old for unicorns.

I frequently get crap for never posting examples of great dates, only those that go awry. In response, I tend to roll my eyes and demand, "Show me a date that didn't go awry eventually." Perhaps this is pessimistic of me. However if I wrote from the optimism of that first great date and not the safety of hindsight, I would frequently be posting retractions. (I would also look like a giddy girl who believes in a future filled with rainbows and unicorns. I'm too old for Lisa Frank.)

One of the many reasons I have not been updating regularly lately has been that I have fallen victim to a new hobby--pole fitness. I love it. I'm obsessed. I watch YouTube videos and try to make it a point to attend my class at least once a week. It's what I look forward to, and it's what drives me through the day and even the week.

The scary part is that I've found that not only do I enjoy it, but I actually have a knack for it. The gymnastics part of it at least... I won't lie... I struggle with the sexy part, but I'm slowly getting there. I have special workout attire and gear just for this hobby. Don't worry, expect a review on my purchases. The workout in itself, I recommend highly. I think every woman should give it a go. There's simply something empowering in knowing that if I'm falling, I can catch myself with my ankle or the crook of my leg.

It's also empowering to realize I'm sexy. I don't understand the many fitness courses that rename it as Vertical Fitness or some variation that attempts to disguise it's roots. It's pole dance. Strippers do it, and there is a reason the majority of them have amazing bodies. It's a workout. It's not easy. You will sweat. You will struggle. You will be covered in bruises, but you will be proud of every last one of them. You will be able to tell anyone who asks exactly what new move you achieved to come by that bruise.

I don't agree with anyone who belittles the exotic aspect of it. There is a 'dance' side to it, and guess what, that only makes it more of a workout to do each move and do it like it's nothing. To make it not only look easy, but graceful and sexy. So here's to all those ladies out there that either make a hobby of pole or do it for a living.

So, of course you get a post as I kill time before Isaac hits. I'm clearly not terribly worried about the impending disaster that is Hurricane Isaac. I'm about to use this time without electricity to work on homework, drink wine, and pack for my big move to a new home.

I'm sure you'll notice I shamefully plug the fact that I do take donations... I'd like to wear something nicer than my current sleepwear to post in.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy and hopefully I'll get some more posts hammered out before we lost electricity.

I also hope I don't regret mocking the lameness of Hurricane Isaac.

So before there was LMFAO, there was one performer whose music videos always cracked me up--Ludacris. There aren't many who don't know who you're quoting when you tell a bitch to get out da way or want to know someone's fantasy. Being as such, it was perfectly natural for me to pick Ludacris - Get Back for my signature performance at a karaoke party almost a year ago. Thus far, it has yet to be forgotten by the friends in attendance. (Possibly because I knew where to reinsert all of the edited words from the karaoke version of the song.)

In all honesty, it's really just because I don't have one and would really like to have one so I can be an iPhone asshole too. No really, I want to join your ranks, but in the meantime I'm going to bitch from the perspective of someone who has a regular phone.

So, you know how sometimes I take a cute picture and send it to all my friends and family? Yeah, that dirty response just went to my mom and coworkers because you replied to all. Oops! You're so not meeting my family now. In fact, I have no idea who sent that. Surely it was a wrong number.

My other beef with iPhones? They turn texting into messaging and some people are incapable of remembering the difference. Not a big deal if your computer beeps a few times while you aren't in the room, but my phone going off five times while I'm in the midst of work, a date, or sleep when I forget to put it on vibrate? Classic. At least on a date you just made me look quite in demand.

Arg, I'm just annoyed that these little mobile computers that make phone calls have shifted the texting paradigm and I get the fallout because I'm behind the technology curve. Please remember us in the stone age dear iPhone users!

Oh my. Your long awaited sing-along is finally here.

So we've all heard Gotye - Somebody That I Used to Know by now. It never stops playing on the radio along with Sexy and I Know It. (Two songs I never tire of, by the way.) The only thing that could make the Gotye song better is Tiesto. So today I've embedded the Tiesto remix!!!

It's hard not to stop and listen to the song no matter how many times we've heard it. Probably because we're all stopping and thinking of the people we used to know.

For those that don't follow me on YouTube, you probably never saw my long-lost video welcoming Sedaris to my family. Sedaris is of the Roomba variety and happily cleans my floor for me. Tonight, he happily helped clean up a broken wine bottle. What a good boy!

For those of you wondering why I named my Roomba Sedaris: David Sedaris, humor writer, started out cleaning houses. I found it was only appropriate that my Roomba be named after him. Enjoy my video of Sedaris stuck under the kitchen table.