So, I'm going to start this by saying... If you've ever dated me or gone out with me or intended to go out with me and didn't, you probably should just go away now. You will be offended. Or you can stay and be offended. That's fine by me, because I'm tired of being offended and being socially correct about it. I'm just not meant to be zen. I tried it. It sucked. I like being an asshole much better. I post more when I'm a jerk. (And you know you dated me because I'm the funniest jerk you ever met. And cute. Yeah, don't forget cute.)

And all of that aside, I don't actually think all men are douchebags--just most of them. Honestly, I like it that way. It gives me plenty of blogging material and makes the truly great men in the world stand out that much brighter. You know that stupid saying about love? "You'll know it when you find it." What it really means is that by the time you've been treated like crap over and over again, you'll know what someone who genuinely gives a shit looks, sounds, and feels like.

Also, I'm not actually a jerk. Or mean. I'm actually quite nice, but I'm honest. The big, bad truth is that most people prefer their fantasy land where all women wear Victoria Secret and are secretly bisexual. So, here's the vlog of the day with no apologies.