I think you're smart, you sweet thing.

Tell me your name. I'm dying here.

That's not usually how it goes. Being intelligent is a detriment to dating. I could cite several examples of female specimen scooped right up and kept because it is sooooo easy to slip a fast one on them. I will refrain from doing so in order to protect the stupid.

They also generally have NO idea how shit's supposed to go down.
So, um, was it supposed to be like that? - girl
Yeah, baby. That's how it supposed to be. You like it? - guy
No, not really. It just wasn't very good for me. - girl
You love me though, right? - guy
Yeah. - girl
Then you'll do it for me again, right? - guy
Yeah. I guess so if that's how it's supposed to be.  - girl
And of course she doesn't question it. Say, hey, wait a minute. Fuck no I won't do it. WTF do I get out of it? Kind of like going to the dentist for a regular cleaning and thinking a cleaning is supposed to hurt. (Yes, I am aware some people have sensitive gums. This was not the case as was revealed in one of those face-palming conversations with a genius. I use the term genius sarcastically.)

Anyway, I'm too attuned to the "series of events." I sit there and the conversation is leading to one place--the bedroom--and everything is falling in place to lead to that part of the conversation. Sometimes it's really hard for me to decide if I want to play along until after he gets the check or I want to just duck out early. I usually go with play along until he gets the check. I'm a small girl, but I have a big appetite!

And, as I play along, I generally make statements that would lead me to sound prudish and bitchy, an Ice Queen Extraordinaire, because ultimately the joke is on them. One of these days I'll let go of my distaste for stupid girls and act all wide-eyed and naive and see how that goes. Then, I'll laugh on my way to my car. Maybe.

Haha, so if you are one of those guys who expect action on the first date. You're a joke. You really are and the only women you'll score with are the same women who have fallen for the sames lines from the same kinds of guys who came before you. So all those STDs you have, she probably already has them from the last guy.

Candid Cabbage

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