So tonight's blog is all about the new rules of dating and the unfortunate explanations behind each rule. It'll kind of be like reading those funny product warnings that make you say, "What idiot did that???"

So we'll start with a few of the obvious ones:

1. No sex prior to at least two months of a proven track record demonstrating achievement in the fields of commitment, honesty, and a clean criminal record. Yes, I probably *will* start paying for background checks. I've now found myself involved on two different occasions with men who have had a criminal past. Let's put it this way, if they went to jail for something--the authorities had good reason. If they were investigated for something--the authorities had good reason. Don't believe, "I swear I didn't do it." They did. Let them get their second chance from a halfway house or a church.

2. Don't ignore the red flags. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. The little things do count. So, if someone tells you they've achieved certain accomplishments in their career, but when you Google their name, you find a GOVERNMENT site that says differently, believe the government. The guy is lying and if he is lying about something this silly, what else is he lying about? Oh, maybe their criminal past. Perhaps I should have Googled: NAME, THERAPIST.

3. If the ONE person who vouches for your new beau is notorious for bad judgement, take that as a sign and keep moving.

4. Take the first answer. If a heart to heart doesn't go the way you anticipated, don't let them come back (even an hour) later and change their answer. They already sat the exam and failed. They now must reapply to sit the exam again and pay all applicable fees. Most likely if it only takes an hour for them to come back with a changed answer, that's just how little time it took for them to get shot down by women in a hotel bar. So, why would you want him?

5. Crazy, dramatic endings to relationships. (i.e. the ex tries to kill him, steals all of his shit, and/or accuses him of rape). Stay away. Even if he didn't do what he was actually accused of (though he probably did), he did SOMETHING to provoke the behavior of his ex. He will engage in the same behavior again. People do not change.

So here's a start for the new rules. More to come as more fuck ups occur! (Here's to hoping there are no more rules to add...)