DB, M.D. and A*holery Confirmed

So it seems that it never ends. Another one creeps out of the woodwork expecting me to accept him back like the prodigal son long gone, but returned. All I have to say is, you aren't my son, son. I don't have to take you back, I don't have to forgive you. I didn't push you into this world from my womb. Quite frankly, it would be rather creepy if I did and you were texting me out of the blue for a booty call.

I've been in a bit of a foul mood the past few weeks for various reasons and being approached with expectations is like coming near a bonfire while coated in a catalyst. It's really just not a good idea. Shit's gonna blow. DBMurph was the first in the recent weeks aside from a few well-meaning dolts. He actually caught me shortly after having sustained a small fall that twisted my ankle and right before having to politely excuse yet another douche bag from my apartment. I'm not sure if this young fellow thought he was in someway special because he was pursuing a medical degree, but last time I checked the dictionary, no means no. Make me say it more than once and you're out the door and lucky if I let you back in to use the facilities. (Yeah, I really did almost not let him back in to potty. I'm mean, but he's a dude and there's plenty of bushes in the world.)

And to me, just as bad as the guys who text, call, or IM looking to rekindle what they lost are the ones who try to reconnect to finish what they never bothered to start.
It was just a few months ago that I drove to Baton Rouge to take a civil servant test as part of my attempt to be gainfully employed. Following said test, I was to meet a young law student at Highland Coffee. This is already sounding good right? I love coffee and I love trying new coffee shops. I've been hearing all about Highland Coffee from my LSU friends for quite some time and I'm looking forward to a cup of that creamy brown goodness with a good looking dude. Well, at least I got the coffee.

I looked around as I waited in line and saw no one familiar. The place was rather crowded and I didn't want to look super creepy staring at people and walking around aimlessly. My date had my number, but I didn't have his so I couldn't call. Go figure. After ordering, I went and sat outside in the patio area near the entrance thinking that just maybe I would catch him on his way in. I held that theory for about 20 minutes, then I said fuck this and left.

I won't lie. I even racked up data charges trying to IM and e-mail him from my phone. When he finally responded, I was almost back to the highway. Apparently he had been sitting in the coffee shop the entire time, but never thought to check his phone, laptop, or call me. He was certain I didn't show. For someone so certain I was a no-show, he wasn't working very hard to contact me. Needless to say I refused to drive back. I informed him I was already on my way home and he could meet me on my turf if he wanted to try again. Surprise, surprise, never happened.

Then, a month later he pops out of the blue to IM me and strike up a conversation. We chat, we're just as interested as we were the first time. He is given my number yet again, then vanishes to never be heard from again for several months. And you guessed it, now he's back from outer space with that sad look upon his face.

I found it highly amusing that he was shocked I was not as interested in talking to him again. Why waste my time getting excited about someone, rekindling what never combusted to start? I don't want to just chat with you online once every two-three months. Shit or get off. To be honest, I'm guessing said douche has a girlfriend or some young lady he's seeing, but isn't sure about her so he's just keeping his options lined up for later. It's a pretty typical douche move. Even DBMurph honestly and openly admitted under questioning, "We're selfish, self-serving a-holes. Usually that covers it."

Well guess what, guys. There's a million and one guys just like you who do the exact same crap. I can have my pick of any one of you to treat me like shit. So quite frankly, unless your pockets are deep, your dick insanely large, and you plan to take me on extravagant outings to atone for your douchebaggery, you might want to actually try being a decent guy to get with me. Otherwise, I'm quite the expensive catch.

Candid Cabbage

No comments:

Post a Comment

Instagram