Sometimes I'm an Insta-gator

So, sometimes I instigate things. I get bored. So sue me. I needed some more fun dating anecdotes for tonight's post. I really get tired of the idiots this region has to offer as dating material, so it never hurts to burn one for the sake of a pretty fire.

For a small bit of background, I gave dating someone close to my own age a chance. It was boring. End of story. I dumped him with no hard feelings on either side (none on his only because he was emotionally shallow). I gave another idiot a chance in exchange... That story for another post.

Not too long after, I went through and cleared my Facebook of all the OkCupid potentials that had failed. There were a lot... End of story part deux.

The story resumes when the friend of the very same ex determines to add me back to Facebook after realizing I had deleted him. Um, dur. I can't control my curiosity though. Goddamn my feline attributes!

Next thing I know, I get random Facebook IMs at odd hours requesting random hook-ups. At this point I've already added back the ex as well simply because I love to meddle sometimes. I knew between the both of them one of them would set me off and I'd get the opportunity to say the following things:

  1. You were a bad lay. The worst I ever had. You make the weirdest expressions I've ever seen when you're having sex and it's really distracting.
  2. Flat bill hats are retarded. You're white, btw.
  3. You have the emotional depth of a kiddie pool, complete with the piss water.
  4. My kid absolutely could not stand you--especially when you stuck around all day on my couch after I politely hinted several times you should go. Social IQ = 67
  5. I couldn't stand you either. See number 2 & 3 especially. I was already handling the problem with number 1 with my ex.

I'm sure all of this you've heard before and will probably hear again.

So, it felt really good to just tear someone a new one. I've been needing some adventure and it unfortunately came at the cost of someone who deserved it. Oh well. Only one casualty tonight.

Candid Cabbage

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